Love is in the air and the scene is set for romance. But that nagging feeling in your head is threatening to ruin it all. Performance anxiety can overshadow intimate moments.
Let’s take a look at science-backed strategies and practical advice to help you navigate these pressures.
Understanding performance anxiety
Performance anxiety is often linked to worries about sexual performance and the pressure to meet certain expectations. It’s also a common issue, with 9-25% of men and 6-16% of women experiencing it.1 This anxiety can lead to physical and emotional stress, such as increased heart rate, muscle tension, and a barrage of negative thoughts, all of which can turn a potential night of fireworks into a storm of tension and unease.2
A big part of this anxiety comes from feeling judged, whether by a partner or yourself. Concerns about erection, arousal, body image, and reaching orgasm are common and tend to diminish during solitary sexual activities, such as masturbation.2
Recognising triggers and symptoms
The pressure to meet these expectations can really ramp up the anxiety because the consequences are personal, often involving embarrassment or shame in front of a partner. Men and women tend to compare themselves against different benchmarks; women might focus on looking attractive and pleasing their partner, while men often worry about things like stamina, size, and performance.2
Tackling this anxiety means understanding where it's coming from and using strategies like cognitive reframing and relaxation techniques to ease its impact, paving the way for more enjoyable intimate moments.1
Evidence-based relaxation techniques
Research indicates that relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and mindfulness meditation, can significantly alleviate symptoms of anxiety.3 These techniques help calm the nervous system and encourage presence in the moment, reducing stress and negative thoughts. According to one study, mindfulness-based interventions have been recommended as potential therapies for Sexual Performance Anxiety (SPA), drawing on their proven effectiveness for related anxiety disorders such as social anxiety. These methods are meant to reduce "anxious arousal," making it easier to focus on feeling pleasure and leading to better sexual experiences and satisfaction.1 Shifting the perspective from viewing sex as a performance to seeing it as an intimate connection can also relieve some of the pressure and lead to more authentic encounters.
Building emotional intimacy
Building emotional intimacy with your partner can alleviate the pressure to perform. Open communication about feelings and expectations nurtures trust and understanding.
Through one study involving married couples, the authors found that positive communication enhances both emotional closeness and sexual satisfaction, creating a nurturing environment that might indirectly alleviate pressures, such as performance anxiety, within a relationship.4 Communicating openly can help partners feel more connected and secure, potentially reducing anxiety related to performance.
However, it’s important to note that while these findings suggest beneficial outcomes to sexual satisfaction, the study doesn’t explicitly address performance anxiety itself.4
Prioritising self-care
Maintaining a healthy lifestyle through regular exercise and adequate rest is proven to benefit sexual function.5,6 Physical activity releases endorphins, which alleviate stress and improve mood. Proper nutrition and rest also sustain energy levels and promote a positive outlook, helping manage anxiety and maintaining healthy sexual function. Avoiding too much alcohol or recreational drugs is also a good bet when it comes to sex.
If all else fails, seek professional help
Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT) is noted for its efficacy in addressing performance anxiety by reshaping negative thought patterns and behaviours. Although specific studies on CBT for SPA are lacking, its success in treating related anxiety conditions suggests it could potentially help SPA by breaking the cycle of anxiety and sexual dysfunction, leading to improved sexual experiences and satisfaction.2
In addition to CBT therapy, medications commonly used for erectile dysfunction (ED) can be considered. These medications work by increasing blood flow to the penis, helping to achieve and maintain an erection.
While ED medications primarily address physiological factors, they can also alleviate some anxiety-related components by providing more confidence in your sex life. Research suggests that they can also produce substantial improvements in self-esteem, confidence, and sexual relationship satisfaction.7 However, it's important to consult a healthcare provider to determine if these medications are appropriate and to discuss potential side effects or interactions with other treatments you may be receiving.
The numan take
Managing this anxiety involves understanding the triggers, employing relaxation techniques, and building emotional intimacy. Embracing self-care and seeking professional guidance can lead to more fulfilling intimate experiences.
Rowland, D. L., & van Lankveld, J. J. D. M. (2019). Anxiety and performance in sex, sport, and stage: Identifying common ground. Frontiers in Psychology, 10, 1615.https://doi.org/10.3389/fpsyg.2019.01615
Bentley, T. G. K., D'Andrea-Penna, G., Rakic, M., Arce, N., LaFaille, M., Berman, R., Cooley, K., & Sprimont, P. (2023). Breathing Practices for Stress and Anxiety Reduction: Conceptual Framework of Implementation Guidelines Based on a Systematic Review of the Published Literature. Brain sciences, 13(12), 1612. https://doi.org/10.3390/brainsci13121612
Yoo, H., Bartle-Haring, S., Day, R. D., & Gangamma, R. (2014). Couple communication, emotional and sexual intimacy, and relationship satisfaction. Journal of Sex & Marital Therapy, 40(4), 275-293.https://doi.org/10.1080/0092623X.2012.751072
Almuqahwi, A., Alabdrabulridha, H., Aljumaiah, R. M., Alfaifi, A. J., Alnaim, M. F., Alfaifi, I. A., Alsaleh, N. A., Abdullah Alsalem, N., Alsuwaylih, F., Ahmed Ali Almana, A., Altaweel, F. I., Alsalman, S. M., & AlAli, Y. (2023). A Systematic Review on the Relationship Between Physical Activity and Sexual Function in Adults. Cureus, 15(12), e51307. https://doi.org/10.7759/cureus.51307
Zhang, F., Xiong, Y., Qin, F., & Yuan, J. (2022). Short Sleep Duration and Erectile Dysfunction: A Review of the Literature. Nature and science of sleep, 14, 1945–1961. https://doi.org/10.2147/NSS.S375571
Althof, S. E., O'Leary, M. P., Cappelleri, J. C., Glina, S., King, R., Tseng, L.-J., & Bowler, J. L., & the US and International SEAR study group. (2006). Self-esteem, confidence, and relationships in men treated with sildenafil citrate for erectile dysfunction: Results of two double-blind, placebo-controlled trials. Journal of General Internal Medicine, 21(10), 1069–1074. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1525-1497.2006.00554.x
